Generally
speaking, I don’t spook easily, and I’m not the type to run or panic when a
situation is rough. I can honestly say ‘I’ve been there, done that’, and I
can say it with a tremendous amount of confidence. My father used to be an MP
in the RCAF and later joined the RCMP to work part time as a guard (civilian
employee) for the local police detachment. He used to fingerprint and take
photos of prisoners, and keep watch over the cells. Due to the fact that he’d
worked around cops and had been one, he had some interesting, but also horrific
stories to tell throughout the years. As he'd confessed to me later in life, he had shared the stories for two important reasons: partly to amuse, but also for
their shock value, in the hopes he would instil a sense of awareness in me.
So, I’m sure you can guess the fear that riddled my mind as a child. Every person out there was a potential predator. But I’m thankful for his straightforward attitude because without it I don’t know where I’d be today.
He helped mould me into a very hard, but caring woman—a woman who believes in
justice and protecting those less fortunate—the vulnerable and gullible.
Unfortunately, there was one thing my father couldn’t have prepared me for, and
that was having children of my own.
I’d taken my
daughter out for a twenty-minute drive to purchase fuel in the neighbouring
community. It was cheaper there and I’d wanted the company. We talked, and
everything had seemed normal. And then she dropped an A-Bomb. No warning.
Nothing.
“Mom there’s
something I need to tell you.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m bi-sexual.”
I burst into a
fit of boisterous laughter and nearly drove into the ditch. In all honesty, I'd assumed it was one of her off-coloured jokes (she does so enjoy getting a
rise out of me). After realizing that she was in fact serious, and allowing a
few moments for the initial shock to wear off, a million things ran through my
mind.
Normally, I
would’ve been quite perceptive. But I didn’t have the foggiest. Was there
something wrong with me? I hadn’t done drugs when I was pregnant. Why my child?
In a matter of a few seconds, I’d gone up and down the scale of emotions,
uncertain where to turn, or what to say. Which still didn’t make it any easier
to understand and accept. For the first time in my life, I was actually
panicking on the inside. It was the fear of how others would treat her. I felt
sad, near tear ridden and then sick to my stomach. It was probably similar to
the trepidation that had prevented her from telling me sooner. She was worried
that good old, sarcastic, easy-going Mom would freak. Everyone else had known, except
me—even my frigging ex! That had stung.
I screamed
inside my head, “I write about shit like this!” Then I said the only thing that
came to mind. “Great you told your dad first—I’ll never live this one down!” She laughed through her tears, and
I told her I loved her and that I was glad she’d opened up to me.
The drive home
was a haze. I was in a state of shock that didn’t subside for literally weeks.
Then, one night, while sitting on the computer, I confronted my daughter and
expressed my true feelings, everything from my reservations to sadness and even
joy. At the end I said, “The hell with this! I don’t give a shit who you bring
home just as long as he or she treats you with respect!”
As her parent,
it’s my job to defend her right to sexual freedom, which is no different than
defending her right to free speech. What else could I have said? I’d never
disown my flesh and blood, although I’ve known people who have. Our children
don’t stop being our children. And not only is she my child, she’s a human
being that deserves my support and respect. It took a lot of courage to open
up, to tell me her inner most secrets, and I applaud her for it.
For those that want to tell their loved ones, please give us credit. Not all of us
(parents) are going to bathe you in the holy water and rant about the peril of
your soul. Some of us do understand and are willing to listen.
Have a great weekend!
Happy Yaoi Hunting!
Blak Rayne
Stopped in to check on you Blak...it has been a while - and I'm glad I did...excellent post - I aspire to you and this post makes it even more so - it's a great New Year: )
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Kay Dee. And thank you; I'm really happy that you enjoyed the post. I think it's good to share life experiences once in a while. Makes for a more interesting read, I think. :)
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