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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Ménage à trois - Three's A Crowd?

Welcome to BRB, sweeties, and another Strictly Sex Talk article! How do you like the new image? She's going to be my SST girl. LOL 
I've often wondered what gives rise to the fascination and experimentation with certain sexual fetishes, for instance, BDSM, erotic asphyxiation, necrophilia and so on. Some scientists believe such sexual cravings are not normal for human beings, and can stem from childhood abuse, whether we're consciously aware or not. Others claim an actual mental illness causes these often dangerous, self-destructive and addictive behaviours, which isn't so dissimilar from other psychological conditions such as someone who is a sociopath. It's also thought that an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain, the use of alcohol, drugs, and medical conditions such as bipolar can cause hyper-sexuality; satyriasis for males and nymphomania for females'excessive masturbation'. Regardless, there is still debate, and the American Psychiatric Association rejected adding sexual addiction to its list of psychiatric disorders. Which I find strange because speaking from personal experience I've known many people with specific mental illnesses who seem to act out sexually. My ex-husband used to work with the mentally challenged, and this was something he noted. In Canada 'sexual addiction' is viewed quite differently, and most psychiatrists believe it is an actual medical condition.
The following is a quote from the Winchester Hospital 'health library' page on sexual addiction.
'While not all mental health professionals agree that a person can be “addicted” to sex, you need help if your sexual thoughts and behavior are interfering with your life and causing you distress.'

So, which is it? Does a sexual fetish come about because of childhood trauma or a mental illness? Is it simply a learned trait? In other words, you had sex with someone into BDSM, they taught you, and you discovered it was quite pleasurable. Why are some people drawn to certain fetishes and others are turned off? Maybe's it's a moral dilemma? Religious? 
It seems, the questions are endless, and we'll never get a straight answer from any of the experts, only well-educated opinions. Anyway, now that I've got your attention, and you're mulling over what I've just said, I will jump to my next fetish of choice Ménage à trois!
Ménage à trois, which is French in origin and literally translates 'house of three', used to be classified as a living arrangement where three people are engaged in a sexual relationship while occupying the same household. Today this fetish has evolved simply to three-way sex. Threesomes can have any sex combinationtwo women and a man, two men and a woman, three men, three women and so on, and so on....
Personally, I can scarcely keep up to the man I have now to add someone else into the mix! LOL Seriously speaking, and not that I lack confidence, but I suppose you'd have to be very certain about your sexuality, open, and willing to share it with multiple partners at once. You'd have to possess high self-esteem. And, there couldn't be any jealousy between those involved. I'm guessing trust must also be important as it is in BDSM. 
Are there feelings involved or is it strictly sex? Why do some middle-aged men, especially those speeding towards a mid-life crisis, desire two women at once? Does a sexual act of this magnitude boost their ego?
Menage is big in the erotic eBook departmenta fantasy many people love to read about, but would never indulge. For me, Ménage à trois doesn't spark my interest, though I do find how the other half lives fascinating. 
For my Strictly Sex Talk post on December 13-2012, I wrote an article on the art of erotic bondage called 'The Art of Sex - Shibari/Kinbaku'.

Happy Yaoi Hunting!
Blak Rayne


  1. Sexuality is such a big part of our unconscious mind but we know so little. Mental illness can manifest in very bizarre ways such as washing your hand repeatedly so I'm sure acting out sexually could be in the mix. It's so highly personal to everyone. I think that's why they hesitate to put sexual addiction in the diagnostic manual for mental illness. Basically something is only a problem if you're hurting others or yourself in a way that interferes with having a functional life. Very thought provoking questions. I've fantasized about it but the thought of actually doing it scares the pants off me. You're right about the confidence factor.

  2. Thank you for the added insight, Christina. I don't know if we'll every really figure things out. I believe we're too diverse; each to his or her own thoughts and opinions. :)