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Thursday, February 24, 2011

CATS AND DOGS - (1) - Cats rule, dogs drool, and humans serve.

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Some humans need to get a grip. I mean take mine for instance. Sitting there half the night staring at the computer screen, surfing web sites looking to connect up with someone he doesn’t know and probably wouldn’t like if he actually met him. He should be out where the live ones are. Right? How humans became the rulers of the world is beyond me. Cats do things so much better.

“Socks, get you paw off my arm. How do you expect me to type? And leave the damned mouse alone.”

See what I mean? Who but a human male would call his cat ‘Socks’ just because my paws were white and most of the rest of me is black? My mother, bless her sweet heart, had it right when she named me Phantom because that’s what I was, a shadow slipping through the night. Yeah, right. But you gotta admit it beat ‘Socks’ paws down.

I moved my paw off Bart’s arm, pushing the mouse just as he clicked it.

What kind of parent names a kid Bartholomew? Come on already.

“I am so killing you cat. I didn’t get a chance to bookmark that site. Now how the hell am I going to get back to it?”

I gave him my ‘Why would you want to?’ look.

“Yeah, okay so it wasn’t the greatest,” Bart grumbled, “but still…”

He snagged the mouse back from me. And just when I was going to having fun. The cursor had been hovering over a video of cats at play on the home page. Those as so boneheaded they’re funny. Well to humans. Yeah, even to me I guess though I’m much too smart to be caught on camera doing some of the things those pets do. Stupid pet vids was right, especially dogs. But we won’t go there.

“Okay cat, I’m done for the night.” He stretched and started to shut down the computer. “What are you doing?” he growled.

What I was doing was stopping him. There’s another story on the cat burglar that’s been hitting up houses in the neighborhood.

So let’s get something straight right now. I’m a real cat. This isn’t some sci-fi story. I’m not suddenly going to turn into a tall, dark, handsome male wanting to have my way with Bart. I just looked after him and tried to steer him in the right direction. After all he’s living in my house so I only wanted the best for him. He’s a good man, gives me all the tuna and salmon and leftovers that are worth eating without having to crawl into dumpsters. Trust me the average dumpster around here is nothing any self-respecting cat wanted anything to do with.

So, anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.

“Why are you interested in this,” Bart asked, frowning. “So we have a cat burglar hanging around. It’s not like I have to worry. There’s nothing here worth stealing except maybe the computer and that’s debatable. If it were any older I could sell it on eBay as an antique.”

If I could talk I’d have told him it’s because I liked a good mystery and this burglar’s been getting away with his thieving for way too long. Like for the last two months. I know dogs aren’t the brightest creatures ever put on this earth but you’d think one of those German Shepherds the cops use could have tracked him down by now. Maybe it was time I started hanging out on the streets again at night. Of course getting Bart to let that happen might be iffy.

I found him a couple of years ago when I was half starving and hanging around in the alley behind the house. I knew instantly that I’d make him my human. After all I wasn’t feral, just not willing to go to one of those shelters with a bunch of dogs yipping in the next room. So when I saw this rather nerdy guy in ragged shorts, his hair spiked up like he’d been running his hands through it, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he peered down at me, I began rubbing up against his leg. The rest is history. 

The problem is he didn’t trust that I’m not going to vanish if he lets me wander the neighborhood. I mean come on, I wasn’t stupid. I ruled the roost, okay make that I’m king of my domain and he’s my willing servant. What self-respecting cat would give that up? Not this one.

“Hope you’ve finished reading that,” Bart said, chuckling, “because I’m tired and heading to bed.” He shut off the computer and lifted me off his lap onto the floor.

I gave him my ‘Feed me, I’m hungry,’ meow. Several times actually since he wasn’t paying attention. Finally he got the message. Salmon, and the good stuff not the store brand any more. It took a while but now I have him trained. No human can stand watching their cat mewling piteously in front of a full bowl of food as if touching it would lead to a dead cat. Of course I almost blew that the first few times by sneaking in in the middle of the night to eat that crap after all, but only some of it. The rest I stirred up with my paw so it looked as if I’d only taken a nibble to stay alive. Humans are so gullible.

That wonderful excerpt was written by: Edward Kendrick! Aside from my dragons, music and yaoi, I do love cats. Thanks so much, Edward! I hope you’ll be posting more. Don’t forget Edward has an awesome new release with Silver Publishing @
Everyones Man
Exactly like last time, Edward and I have swapped blogs. I’m not sure if you remember, but I mentioned in previous posts that I would some day, put something up that was a bit more personal–tell a story from my past. So instead of an article or rant, I gave Edward a rather personal excerpt as promised. Word of warning…have a tissue handy @ Edward Kendrick's Blog
Feb 26th BLMorticia will be here! OMG what a post! **evil laugh** You’re going to love it!
Happy Yaoi Hunting ^_^!!
Blak Rayne


  1. Edward and Blak,

    I loved the excerpt. I'm such a sucker for cats and Socks really does have us figured out.

    I can't sniffle this morning Blak, I've got to go to work. Maybe I'll check it tonight.

  2. LMAO - thanks for dropping by Crystal! And socks can be cute!
    Thanks for posting this excerpt, Edward!