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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Very Krazy Radio - Jacqueline George #article #erotic #adult #sex #funny #fiction

Very Krazy Radio
By Jacqueline George

I’m a writer, so one of the things I do (besides writing, cooking, cleaning and generally getting a life together) is try to figure out what my readers want. That’s much more difficult than writing. In fact, it’s real crystal ball stuff – because there’s no answer to the question.
Different people want different things, of course, but a reader wants variety. They might want to curl up with a door-stop sized novel sometimes, but other times they want variety, something new. Perhaps even something to laugh at – why not?
I have heaps of stuff I have written for my friends’ blogs, or even just for fun, and I collected them together in Jacqueline and a Sexy Year.  Serious, funny, sexy, even historical – whatever I fancy at the time. Here is a snippet, based on something that really happened here in Australia (so I’m told...)

“Good morning, listeners. This is Greg Hollin on VKRZ Melbourne, that’s right, Very Krazy Radio, and have I got a show for you today. Good music, good chat, a competition and a very, very special guest on the menu this morning, so where shall we start?

“No question, really. I’m sitting here looking across the studio at our guest, and I have to say she blows me away. Beauty, elegance and a brain that puts me in my place – that’s the dog house, of course – we’ve got to welcome Dr Pat again. Say hello to Melbourne, Dr Pat.”
“Hi everyone, and hi to you too, Greg. Nice to be here.”
“And nice to have you, Dr Pat. Now listeners, I have to tell you what she’s wearing this morning. She’s so hot there ought to be a law against it. All that thick auburn hair tied back in a pony-tail like a school girl, and she’s got her shades pushed up on top of it – they’ve got lenses like saucers, you should see them. A loose top, that’s right, isn’t it? With a tiny, tiny skirt. Might just stop her getting arrested, but she must have left a trail of cardiac arrests all the way to the studio this morning. And legs – you should see them. Between her spiky heels and her short skirt, they go on forever. I think I might go in for a bit of cardiac trouble myself. I’m in love again.
“How about going clubbing tonight, Dr Pat?”
“Not a chance, Greg. I’m taken.”
“I could do this afternoon. Let’s rent a motel.”
“No, and put your tongue away, Greg. You’re dribbling on the table.”
“Dr Pat, you’re just so cool. And cruel too. I won’t be able to sleep tonight for dreaming about those legs.”
“Go on with you, Greg. You should be ashamed of yourself, lusting after your guest like that. Get on with the competition.”
“Right. Competition. Get your thoughts together, Greg. Don’t let yourself get distracted. Well, today’s Thursday and it’s time for our Naughty Secrets segment. Do you know about Naughty Secrets, Dr Pat?”
“Of course. Everyone knows Naughty Secrets.”
“Fine, but I bet you don’t know about this week’s prize. The winners of this week’s competition get a dirty weekend on Fraser Island. That’s right, three nights accommodation with meals and flights included. All the beauty of Queensland’s premier resort for free. All you have to pay for is your grog. Aren’t I generous? And our lucky contestants this week are Macca and Tracey. We’ve got them on line, and we’re all ready to go.
“So, tell us this week’s question, Dr Pat.”
“Right, I’m going to be asking them ‘When and where did you last make love?’. That should be easy enough. Which one are we going to start with?”
“Macca. I’ve had a call from his workmates this morning, and they had something to tell me. So let’s get him on the line, and put the question. Are you there, Macca?”
“Yeah, mate. I’m here.”
“Good day, Macca. How are you going?”
“Pretty good, mate, pretty good. And yourself?”
“All good, Macca. Now, what do you know about our Naughty Secrets competition?”
“Your girl was telling me a bit, mate.”
“Right, Macca. Your mates gave me a call and told me something. Did you know that?”
“Yeah, I heard a bit. The bastards.”
“So, I’ve got Dr Pat here, and she’s going to ask you a question. Then we’ll give your Tracey a call, and if she answers exactly the same way, the pair of you are flying off for a dirty weekend on Fraser Island, all expenses paid. That sound good?”
“Yeah, mate. What’s the question?”
“Wait a minute, Macca, and I’ll put Dr Pat on. Do you think you’ll win? Is Tracey going to give us the same story? Or is she too shy?”
“Oh, she’s pretty good, mate. She’s OK.”
“Good. I hope you’re right. So Dr Pat – ask away.”
“Hi Macca. How are you? This is Dr Pat, and we’ve heard from your mates that something interesting happened this morning.”
“Yeah. I’m going to sort the bastards out afterwards.”
“So, Macca, the question is when and where did you last make love?”
“This morning, mate, before work.”
“And where?”
“Jesus, you just don’t care, do you? We got a bit carried away, so I put her over the kitchen table and we did it there.”
“Thank you, Dr Pat, and good for you, Macca. I’m sure all the listeners are jealous. Are you sure Tracey’s going to tell the truth?”
“Yeah, mate. Just tell her about the Fraser Island thing, and she’ll talk. Might give me a hard time later, but she’ll talk.”
“Thanks Macca, and keep your fingers crossed. So, Dr Pat, while we’re waiting to get Tracey on the line. You look so sexy today, I’m going to kneel at your feet and beg you to meet me this afternoon. Can I kneel at your feet?”
“Kneel at my feet? Certainly not!”
“Why not? I’m just being polite.”
“I know you, Greg Hollin. You just want to look up my skirt.”
“There’s something to think about. Now, that motel this afternoon...”
“No.”
“I’ll be a gentleman and pay for the room.”
“Oh well, in that case. I’ll call my husband and see if he’s free.”
“Your husband? Where does he come into it?”
“Well, wherever you can fit him in, I suppose. He’s very – what’s the word? Dominating. Yes, that’s it. He’s very dominating and I think he’ll fancy you. We can have a lot of fun together.”
“Dominating. Your husband. Oh look, I’ve just remembered. I have a dental appointment this afternoon. I can’t make it.”
“Never mind. Perhaps another afternoon. Now, what about Tracey?”
“Yes, of course, and we have Tracey on the line. Hello, Tracey? Can you hear me?”
“Hello, Greg. How are you?”
“Good, good. Now, Tracey, do you know about our Naughty Secrets competition? Have you heard it before?”
“Yes, I’ve heard it. What do you want to know?”
“Ah, Well, I’m going to put Dr Pat on in a minute, and she’ll ask the question. The prize this week is a dirty weekend on Fraser Island, all expenses paid. How does that sound?”
“We’d like that that but...”
“All you have to do is answer Dr Pat’s question correctly, and you’re on your way. Can you do that?”
“I’m suspicious. What’s the question?”
“Hi Tracey. This is Dr Pat. Now, I’ve just been talking to Macca. We asked him a question, and you can win the prize by giving us the same answer. You understand that?”
“Come on, what’s he been telling you?”
“The question is in two parts. First, when did you last make love?”
“Oh, that’s embarrassing. Bloody Macca. I’ll kill him when he gets home. We did it this morning before he left for work.”
“Great, Tracey. That’s what he told us. You’re on your way. You’ve got a foot on those aircraft steps. Now for the second part. Where did you make love?”
“What? He told you that?”
“Told us what, Tracey?”
“Oh no. He can’t have told you that. Not even Macca.”
“We’re waiting, Tracey. Just confirm what Macca told us, and you’re on your way.”
“But – but - I can’t. Not on radio. Everyone’s listening.”
“Yes, I suppose they are, but don’t worry. This is the twenty-first century and you can talk about things like that. I don’t mind telling you that it was a better start to the day than I had. So, tell us.”
“Um, I can’t. I can’t. My mother might be listening. And if she’s not, some-one else will tell her.”
“Can I just butt in here, Dr Pat? Tracey, look at it this way. Macca’s told us already. We already know, you just have to confirm it. That’s right, isn’t it Dr Pat?”
“That’s right. We know and so does everyone else. We just want to hear you confirm it.”
“That’s awful. How could he do that? I’m never going to – I’ll strangle him when he gets home. I just can’t.”
“Come on, Tracey. Just think about Fraser Island. All the sand dunes, and the dingoes. And it’s a really nice hotel. Just tell us where you made love.”
“He really told you?”
“I swear. We know already. Just make it easy and finish this sentence “This morning we made love...”
“Oh God, Oh God, I can’t.”
“This morning we made love...”
“OK, I’ll do it. In my bottom.”

Read more from Jacqueline and a Sexy Year at A Sexy Year Purchase

Jacqueline lives in Far North Queensland, on the shore of the Coral Sea. She keeps herself busy with her cats and garden, and by writing books - some of which are far too naughty for her own good. You can find out more about Jacqueline and her books at: 



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