Lately, many blog authors, have made the choice to post articles about abuse. And I'm not talking a few here and there, I'm talking a countless number of blogs. Abuse is a touchy subject that has caused and still does cause heated debate. Having suffered emotional, psychological and physical abuse myself, I can empathize with other victims as well as share their pain. I also know that sharing can really help in the healing process. So, in light of this topic, I've decided to re-post an article I wrote a while back. At the end of the article I've added a link. The link it to a blog article I read this morning, written in response to some nasty comments left on a Facebook page, in regards to a lesbian woman who was raped by her partner. A word of caution, the content is upsetting.
The first time I experienced real love–or
I should say, what I believed to be real love, I was scarcely sixteen and he
was twenty-one. We shared an on again/off again rocky ride that lasted just shy of
two years. I won’t go into gory details, but the first time I came to and found
my face bashed in the side of a car door, I should’ve walked away. It wasn’t
ignorance or the fluffy feelings of love that kept me in the relationship, but
the embarrassment of the whole situation, and the fact that for a brief time, I
truly believed his bullshit–that it
was my fault, that somehow, I had brought the whole fucking mess upon myself.
Yeah, right. After I woke up and realized how bad we were together, I changed.
Unfortunately, I ended up becoming as violent as my abuser for a time until I
finally just left. It was either him or me.
Does this situation sound familiar?
Abuse can happen to anyone and, as you can
probably guess, it’s a subject that I’m vocally passionate about. No one, and I
mean no one, has the right to tell you what to do, who your friends should be,
how to dress, or what to eat. Neither do they have the right to manipulate.
Abuse can manifest in many forms–physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, and
psychological; words spoken with subtle undertones of threat and control or it
can be swift and painful.
This is a touchy subject for some and
especially those in the gay community. For instance, did you know that one in
ten gay men are abused or have been abused, in some form by their significant
other? Mind you, the stat is just an educated guess because regrettably most
men, and in particular, gay men, don’t like to tell anyone they’re being abused,
and secondly, some men don’t even realize they’re being abused. When a man
abuses his partner most people, and this includes the police, honestly believe
it’s consensual–that the victim actually enjoys it. This is in reference to
BDSM. There’s a twisted assumption out there that gay and lesbian couples are
automatically into kink due to their sexual preference, so abuse is a natural
part of their relationships. Others poke fun and think it’s a joke, thus
enabling the abuser to continue.
Here are the sobering (US) stats:
Domestic violence among gay and lesbian
couples is approximately twenty-five to thirty-three percent and is as
commonplace as it is in heterosexual relationships.
Every year, as many as five hundred thousand
Gay men and between fifty to a hundred thousand Lesbian women are battered (yes
the numbers are legit).
Physical size and stereotypical ideals have
nothing to do with who the abuser is in a relationship.
Even though the rate of same-sex abuse is
similar to heterosexual abuse there are fewer ways to protect these men and
women thanks in large part to judicial prejudice.
There a seven states that define domestic
violence in such a way that it excludes same-sex victims.
The abuser in these relationships uses the
same method and weapons to control the victim, no different than heterosexual
relationships–family, friends etc.
I could go on and on spewing stats and the
myths and reasons behind them, but I don’t feel it would do anyone justice. The
simple truth…we seriously need to take a long, hard look at our laws, and we
need to reeducate our leaders, law enforcement officials, and anyone else who
is in a position to change things. There are men and women out there who are
abused on a daily basis. They’re scared and they’re alone–hell there are straight men and women and children trapped in the
same disturbing situation.
If you witnessed…say a man abusing his
partner what would you do? Would you step up to the plate?
Anyone who has lived with abuse can relate
to that feeling of empty worthlessness–the fear and loneliness. And most
desperately want out of the relationship, and perhaps, they feel a sense of
confusion because they don’t know where to turn. One step in the right
direction is awareness. If you have a story to tell, I dare you to share it
with someone else, someone that is possibly facing abuse or has faced it.
Sharing encourages the healing process. Remember, everyone deserves respect.
And, everyone is entitled to a loving relationship!
EVOL Link:
Happy Yaoi Hunting!
Blak Rayne
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