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Friday, October 21, 2011

TELEMARKETERS NEED TO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH


Yesterday, I received no less than eight calls from different telemarketers, and this doesn't include another two calls where it was just a recording - 'You've won a cruise!' and 'Want to lower your credit card debt?'. Lately it's been fund raising organizations and people from overseas offering to fix my Microsoft computer (which is a huge scam people so beware). Soon as you offer to link up with them at their website, they hack your computer or charge you $150.00 to repair it. How many times do I have to say it - F*** off! I don't use Microsoft for f-sake! I'm MAC-ified. I'm so sick and tired of the nameless and faceless entities that stalk my phone line like it's they're personal hunting ground. And they do it at the most inopportune times! Dinner, while you're heading to the toilet, watching an awesome action scene in some movie, during sex - when I'm writing!

I won't buy your shit! I won't support your shit! So bugger off! I've actually spoken to people like that. I've been driven to the point, where I swear and threaten legal action. Well, that was the old me. Now if I'm in the mood I toy with them or just hang up. It's become a fetish to see what wonderfully evil one-liners I can come up with. 

I had a lady call about life insurance. She went on and on about how my husband and I should get more until I said. 'Sorry, but my husband passed away yesterday, so I don't think your insurance is going to help me now…is it?' She was stunned and hung up. Oddly enough that company has never contacted me since.

Now you might say to yourself OMG Blak how could you say such a thing? Well, let me tell you it just becomes easier and easier once you get over the nervousness. I don't allow these people to phase me any more. I either lie and giggle about it afterwards or I just answer, let them yammer on and then hang up.

Another time I actually said. 'Wow and I just read on SNOPES that you guys are scammers.' The guy freaked trying to convince me that was an inaccurate accusation then I hung up. Yep, I lied. 

One time I answered the phone. 'Pearse's mortuary - you stab 'em, we slab 'em. May I help you?' The women immediately hung up. 

The most belligerent telemarketer called me a lousy bitch because I refused to give her my credit card number in support of some sick babies society. I actually hunted down the company and issued a complaint. Upon reflection, I was pretty pissed when I spoke to that poor woman. She didn't deserve the verbal thrashing, but the telemarketer did. And believe me I can give it when I need to.

The problem today is you never really know who you're talking to. Is it really the Cancer Society? Sweeties, we are living in desperate times. People are out of work and broke. And not everyone is honourable. You have to be wise. I have tried blocking calls, but it never works. These organizations and scammers just use a different one and whoops - you're back on their list!

Anyway, just for fun I've added this wonderful informational post from another website called: 'How to Deal With Telemarketers'. Some of these ideas I am going to try! Hilarious!

Happy Yaoi Hunting!
Blak Rayne ^_^!!

  1. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
  2. Say “no” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
  3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”
  4. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout…”
  5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”
  6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” Hang up.
  7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
  8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”
  9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up … louder … louder …
  10. When the salesperson asks, “Is this the homeowner?” say, “Is this the salesperson?” And when they say, “Yes,” hang up.

2 comments:

  1. Hi, Blak!
    God, I needed this laugh.
    My personal favorite I've ever pulled was with someone proselytizing door to door. When you wake me up at 6 and I went to bed at 3, you are taking your chances that I'll be too tired to strangle you. Of course, this guy didn't know that...
    I answered the door in my boxers. Five minutes of listening to "Jesus Jesus Jesus blah blah blah" later, I invited him in. We sat down and five more minutes of same old same old. Then I went into the bathroom and snapped the filter off a cigarette, gave the ends a twist (see where I'm going here?) and walked back out, lighting up as I went.
    "Hey, listen, I'm sorry, but I need a little something to enhance my concentration. You want some?" I held out the smoke like a doobie.
    "No thank you."
    "Okay, more for me."
    Five minutes later:
    I walk into the kitchen. Still in my boxers. Had some sweet mint tea in a Jack Daniels bottle in the fridge. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I pull it out and ask him if he'd care for a shot.
    "No, thank you. I don't partake."
    "Cool." I turned the bottle up and drained it. After I wiped my mouth, I came back to the living room.
    "Hey, so you're a *denomination,* right?"
    "Yes, that's right."
    "Cool! I'm an atheist and my roommate's a Satanist. We LOVE to discuss comparative religion over a human sacrifice!"
    Oddly, he heard his phone ring, his mother calling him, and a cry for help all at the same time. Never came back.
    Wonder why? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very, very awesome, Wayne! I love the human sacrifice bit. Can I use it? I bet they've red-flagged your address. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you had a laugh. ^_^!!

    ReplyDelete