Cats rule, dogs drool and humans serve.
Jealous my ass. I am not the jealous kind. I just didn’t want Bart going out with that…that conniving criminal. I mean come on, there are dozens of men out there, any one of them a hundred times better for him than what’s him face. Oh, yeah, Rail. Who the hell names their kid ‘Rail’?
I sidled into the kitchen, ignoring the dog as I jumped up on the table to sit beside Bart. He’s still pissed at me I can tell but I do the one thing than makes him melt every time. I give him the silent meow. Now for those of you that don’t know what that is, it’s the ultimate sign of approval and affection that a cat can give their human. It says ‘I accept you no matter how stupid you’ve been acting’.
And Bart melted just like I knew he would, scratching under my chin with his free hand. I purred, rubbing my head against his hand. Then I looked at Rail to make certain he understood just who was in charge here.
Rail grinned as he finished bandaging Bart’s shoulder. “You’re pussy-whipped man.”
With a snort of amusement Bart replied, “Cat-whipped, maybe, but I’m definitely not into pussy.”
“I hope not,” Rail replied softly.
This is not going well at all. Bart was supposed to tell this Rail person to leave, not flirt with him again.
“So,” Rail continued after a long pause while the two men looked into each others eyes, “when can I pick you up for dinner?”
I gave a low, rumbling feline growl of warning, staring daggers at Rail. He seemed impervious to my threat as he waited for Bart to answer.
“I…well…I’m free tonight. If that’s okay?”
“Perfect. I’ll pick you up at six, seven? You name it. And dress casual cause I don’t really do the fancy stuff. All jeans and button-downs or T’s is me.”
I roll my eyes. Yeah even cats do that when someone’s said something particularly lame or obvious. And looking at Rail it’s pretty obvious that the money he makes off his burglaries does not go into his wardrobe.
“Six would be fine. So is casual. I’m not a fancy dresser either believe me. Well, decent slacks for work but that’s my limit.”
Rail looked him over in a calculating way and then grinned. “I’d love see you in tight jeans and a shirt opened to the waist. That would look good on you.”
Bart turned red, again. I swear the burglar’s glib tongue is getting to him. I glanced at Bosley who seemed as pissed off with all this as I was, although I’m sure his reasons were different.
* * * * *
Everyone needs a dog to adore him, not a cat to ignore him.
This is going from bad to worse fast. Rail’s courting the dork. Next thing you know he’ll be humping him right here on the kitchen floor like they’re dogs in heat. That I do not need to see. Hasn’t it occurred to my master that this is asking for trouble of the worst kind? First dinner, then more dates, then he brings to dork home and all hell will break loose if he, umm Bart the dork to be specific, sees the stuff Rail insists on keeping from the jobs.
Besides, if he, Rail…damn too many men, too many ‘he’s’, so anyway if Rail starts spending all his time with Bart the dork when’s he going to work? I like my four squares and a roof over my head.
I look at the cat and he’s not happy either. He’s probably thinking he’s lost control of the situation and cats don’t like that. They think they rule the world. Not. But I’m not telling him that. Cats can get so pissy. Hell, look at Rail’s arms and Bart the dork’s shoulder if you don’t believe me.
The cat looks back and his tail starts weaving back and forth as he does this rumbling growl thing again. Then he stalks across the table and jumps down, pacing towards me. I back up an inch or five. Not that I’m afraid of him but my nose still twinges from his claws. He keeps walking, I keep backing, and the humans are so involved, gazing into each other’s eyes that they don’t see what’s happening.
The cat grins when we end up in the living room and then dramatically and noisily hacks up a hairball and everything else that was in his stomach. Gross.
But it works. Seconds later Bart the dork joins us, picking the cat up, crooning silly words like, ‘Poor Socks. Poor sick baby’. It’s enough to make me want to puke too.
Looking over the human’s shoulder the cat gives me a ‘Get the picture?’ glance. It takes me a minute to figure out what he’s getting at and then I nod. There’s nothing like a sick animal to stop its owner from thinking about other things, like humping a potential new boyfriend. Now I just have to get Rail home, eat something, and then be sick as a dog. Literally. This could work.
I start whining as I race to the front door.
Rail sighs. “Looks like Bosley is in dire need. I’ll see you tonight?”
“Oh yes. And I’ll…” Bart bites his lip, “I think I have, umm, sort of tight jeans?”
“That I have to see.” Rail’s smile makes Bart turn red, again.
I’m about to puke for real right here. That is so…sappy.
Finally…finally, Rail opens the front door and we’re out of there.
Very awesome Edward! Thanks again. I just love this story. Have a great weekend everyone and play safe!
Happy Yaoi Hunting
Blak Rayne ^_^!!